Let’s face it! Most of us older guys like to be in control, to be comfortable, to work within our limits and not to push the boundaries too far. In short, we like to live inside our “comfort zone”! That’s fine – I’ve no problem with that. The easy life has a lot to say for itself. The world is full of enough problems as it is and adding any more pressure seems foolish.
However, as Ashton Kutcher puts it, “as long as you are comfortable, it means you are not growing.” And who says that you cannot grow even in later life?
Up until last weekend the furthest I had ever walked in the last 40 odd years was about 10 miles – and I remember how shattered I was after that! But on May Day Bank Holiday Monday, with great trepidation and not a little anxiety, I set out to complete the Northumberland Coastal Challenge, a 26 mile hike from Budle Bay to Alnmouth following the Coastal Path. What a fantastic experience it was all round: the views, the camaraderie, the encouragement of the support crews, the satisfaction of supporting a good cause. All these were worth pushing out my boundaries a little.
I may be back in my comfort zone now, with my feet up and a glass of John Lee Honey Bourbon in my hand but I also feel so much better about myself and about what I CAN do given the motivation.
But this got me thinking about what “pushing the boundaries” may mean for me in my faith walk? Am I getting too comfortable and missing out on the opportunities that are out there? Scarily, I wonder what Jesus may have asked me to do and I failed to hear because I was too comfortable with my lot?
Suddenly, even as I am writing this, my blood is beginning to race and my spirit is lifting! Hey, Lord, I know you can manage well enough without me but, I am going to get out of this comfy chair and, with your help, start pushing out on some of my faith boundaries!
Whatever it is that is calling you out of YOUR comfort zone, give it a go! You may find that those objectives that once seemed totally crazy suddenly come within the realms of possibility. And it’s OK to be scared. Being scared means you are about to do something really brave!
 

Image Credit: David Law

Having just attained the grand old age of 60, I was asked what it was like now that I was “mature”. I thought about this for a moment and the first thing that came into my head was cheese! But not just any cheese – a really rancid, mouldy, smelly cheese! One that would seer the sense of smell out of any pair of nostrils! Not a good image! And then someone said that I was not mature but “ripe”! And you know the same image came into my mind. What is it with me and cheese?
Many words in the English language can have different connotations and can conjure up different pictures in the mind – often quite opposed images.
If I was to consider myself mature I would rather think of being a fine wine from which others can derive pleasure from the occasional sip.
And if I was ripe it would please me to know that the harvest of fruit from my life was helpful and encouraging to those around me.
I certainly don’t want to be the cause of any great stink!

I came across this prayer the other day. It was based on some meditations from the Northumbrian Community and suits very well the changes in life as we men get older.
Lord, help me now to un-clutter my life:
to organise myself in the direction of simplicity.
Lord, teach me to listen to my heart:
teach me to welcome change instead of fearing it.
Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me.
I give you my discontent –
I give you my restlessness –
I give you my doubt –
I give you my despair –
I give you all the longings I hold inside.
Help me listen to these signs of change – these signs of growth:
to listen seriously and follow where they lead
through the breath-taking empty space of an open door.
Amen.
Image credit: Photo by Leland Francisco / CC BY 2.0

The mantra of a lot of us guys is “anything for a quiet life!” My dad developed the fine art of saying “Yes, dear” to my mother so convincingly that she believed that she had won the argument. Actually dad had simply decided that it was not worth the hassle to continue!
Keeping the peace as a euphemism for “anything for a quiet life” might involve a degree of compromise, of accepting something in which you do not believe because you cannot find the enthusiasm to fight for that in which you do believe. It is also interesting that “peace-keeping” is now associated with military activity the main aim of which is usually to keep rival factions apart.
But Jesus said “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.” (Matthew 5:9). The same word is used in Colossians 1:20 – “For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross.”
Being a peacemaker is not about a quiet life or simply preventing troublesome situations. It is about seeking to reconcile differences. It is about bringing people together, not keeping them apart. It involves action and sacrifice – Jesus himself made the supreme sacrifice on the cross and he is the Prince of Peace! Our highest aim as ambassadors of his peace is to help people become reconciled to God through personally accepting Jesus’ sacrifice for themselves.
So next time we are tempted to just “KEEP the peace” let’s ask ourselves a question: is there a peace here that needs to be MADE?

A man once asked God, “What can I do for you, Lord?”
God replied, “Well, thanks very much, son, but I have been doing alright without you up to now! What you can do, though, is act justly, love mercy and walk humbly before me!”
Many Christian men have been called to situations that are difficult, others to those that are blessed. One man may have toiled for years with little gain – another may have seen wonderful miracles. Who, in these instances, is the better Christian man?
Neither, so long as both follow God’s instruction. No matter what the external circumstances men are called simply to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with their God. Sometimes that is made hard and a real struggle by the situations around us. At other times it is a wonderful and enriching experience as we see lives changed.
But it is not always easy to follow these instructions. Men like to lead, to be full of ideas, to be initiators and to be forging ahead. Perhaps it is the challenge of surrendering to God’s will that makes us uncomfortable with “walking humbly”?
May we all listen to our hearts and ask God to guide us. May he either give us the courage, resolve and inspiration to remain in our places of trial and struggle or a clear sign as to where he wants to lead us in the future.
Shalom!

It’s funny how things come along in twos! Twice this week I have heard the idea that it would be good to be born with the wisdom of old age and, as time goes by and we become younger, using that wisdom to benefit our more youthful years.
The first instance was watching a DVD set of the original Forsyte Saga – in black and white and with very dated sets and production but also with such excellent acting that it still leaves you gripped! The other instance was less impressive – remembering the Mork and Mindy Show where Mork’s son is born old. As you all know – if you remember back to 1982! – Orkans like Mork age backwards, starting with elderly adult bodies but, in this example, with the mind of a child and regressing back to feeble “old” kids as they “aged” – or should that be “young-ed”!
If you are a little bit on the older side, what advice or wisdom would you give your younger self if you could? Would it be to make different choices? To right wrongs never addressed? Or would it be simply to take things less seriously and enjoy life more? Perhaps you would advise following a different path, but, for me, apart from a few daft things I would rather forget, as one of the fortunate ones, I would not change a thing!

“For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.” Proverbs 9:11

I was sorting the garage out the other day and realised something really important – you know you’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with!
This was quite comforting, however, as I can think of no better compliment than for someone to say I am just like my father. I used to want to be remembered as a good administrator, a good manager, a man who was respected and held in high esteem. Now, at 58, my ambition is simply to be known as being my dad’s son, my daughter’s dad and my grandchildren’s “Popsie”!
But will people remember me as being a child of God? How much am I like my Father in heaven in my daily living?
“You are just like your father!” has been a criticism by many a mother of her sons! But is this something that has ever been said of us in a positive way in relation to our personal walk with God?
“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” * is a high, even an impossible calling, but, being in later life myself now, I feel an urgency to try and earn at least a more favourable comparison!

* Matthew 5:48 (NIV)

There is an old saying that “wisdom is the comb that life gives you when your hair has fallen out”.
Another phrase often used is “being wise after the event”.
Anthony Trollope wrote that the wisdom of those of mature years comes from reflecting on our failures rather than considering our successes. A sentiment echoed by Alexander Pope who said “by experience (we are) wise”.
My point is that acquired wisdom comes about as the result of what we have learned from the lives we have lived – and more often than not it comes from the mistakes we have made rather than the times we have prospered. Personally, I never thought I would look back at the times when I have cried – and find myself laughing. Or think of the times when I have laughed – and find myself crying. As the years go by, however, this seems to happen to me more and more frequently.
Whilst I believe that you are never too old to gain more wisdom – indeed, you only become old when you STOP learning! – the duty of the older man is to give wise counsel to the younger man. The sad aspect of our times is that the young seem more interested in a legacy of money than of wisdom, character and faith. But, like us, they will learn as they get older!

“So, Lord, teach us to number our days: that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”
The Book of Common Prayer 1662

Continuing on from last week, here is part 2 of a presentation by David Shipley:
Preparing for later life
In order to cope with these changes, as men get older, they need to engage with other interests and other social networks, to re-introduce themselves to their partners and families and to seek new roles – and, thus, new identities – within them.
Although still statistically less likely to out-live their partner, the life expectancy gap between men and women is declining. In 1951 there were 77 men aged 50 and over for every 100 women in the same age range. By 2003, this had increased to 85 men per 100 women and is expected to rise to 90 men per 100 women by 2031.
Older men are therefore living longer with their partners into their later lives, yet, because of the changing nature of their role, they are less likely to be engaged in the same social circles or have as wide a range of interests. Also, in the future there are likely to be more divorced, widowed or never-married men in the older population and lack of social engagement for them will become an ever more acute problem.
Growing older from a Biblical perspective
Fundamentally, retirement is NOT Biblical! For the most part, men in the ancient world worked for as long as they were physically able. When they could no longer work, they often developed other roles as family elders, wise men or teachers, some of which may have formed part of their lives for some time, whilst they were supported by their wider family or community.
Older men were expected to still have a function – “They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing.” Psalm 92:14.
Sadly, modern society looks on older age in terms of decline and seeks to cosset older people rather than enable them to maintain any contribution to society. It is this that often makes people fearful of growing older and unwilling to prepare properly for the inevitable changes later life brings.
Engaging with older men: the same perspective for Christian and non Christian
To engage with both older Christian men and older “not yet” Christian men requires the same fundamental strategies:
(a) find a location where they are most comfortable and engage with them there:
(b) find out their interests and seek to develop these areas, rather than prescribe activities for them:
(c) seek to integrate these activity interests into wider social networks:
(d) establish relationships that build trust as well as generate self-worth and new senses of identity.
At this point, a similarity will be seen to the 4-level evangelism recommended by CVM, because at the point of establishing relationships, older men can then be encouraged to consider the person of Jesus or, if they are already Christians, to seek new ways of both expressing their faith and engaging with new roles within their fellowships.

The important issue is that this engagement, though fundamentally the same for all men, needs to be tailored to the unique identities of each age range.

It is equally important that men in the early stages of later life are encouraged to realise and prepare for their older years. Adjusting to changes as a matter of choice can be very empowering to a man, whereas being forced to change at the various transition stages of life can be traumatic. This is not admitting one is old but rather accepting that, as one gets old-er, change that is prepared for can be just as much an opportunity for growth and development as at any other time of life.

We recently had a forum where we discussed how we can do better at reaching older men with Jesus. Here is part 1 of a presentation by David Shipley:

• It is right to discourage any disconnect between and across age ranges within the CVM network. However, too much conformity denies the uniqueness and diversity of each age range.
• Unhelpfully, demographic age groups tend to split younger men into five groups up to the age of 65 and only one group for those over 65. With increasing longevity, a more active older generation and older people working well beyond the once normal retirement age, there are now at least four demographic age groups in this older range.
• Age UK now identifies the age at which a person becomes “older” as 50 years. It should be noted that the term is “old-er” – to distinguish it from “young-er”! With increasing numbers of centenarians, 50 years of age is now seen as the half way point in life, so the terms “younger” and “older” are purely for comparison only.
• Older people can then be described as older employed, older active, older frail, older dependent, etc, without defining a particular age as being associated with any condition or situation.

Comparisons between younger and older men
 
As men get older there is a change in how they see particular areas in their lives. For example, younger men tend to focus on ambition but, as they get older, this focus diminishes and there is a greater emphasis on remembered achievements.
Similarly, young men see their work role in life as important while later generations place more importance on a sense of personal identity. In the same way, younger men see more value in material gain, whilst older men value having made a difference.
In many cases, later life creeps up on men unawares
Before it is realised, men suddenly find themselves at retirement having made no preparation for the significant change this brings about. Children are grown up, wives have an established social network and former colleagues become increasingly distant. Many of the things that have brought meaning and value in a man’s life are suddenly not there. Without any preparation for later life, older men can become increasingly socially isolated and bereft of feelings of self-worth, feelings that in the past were derived primarily from work, independence and self-reliance.
It is this lack of preparation that Age UK identifies as one of the main reasons that men find it hard to engage socially in later life. Steve Martin (CVM’s Operations Director) has commented that “many blokes who are in their 50s do not feel old”. This is very true and in many ways commendable. However, such an attitude ignores the fact that such men are “older” and prevents them from preparing for the changes that later life will bring.
(look out for part 2 next week …)